A Quickie Please

A man traveling out west enters a small restaurant that serves beer and is seated at a table.  In a few minutes an attractive waitresses walks over and asks, "What would you like, sir?" 

The man looks at the menu and then scans the waitress’ beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns to his table and asks again, "Sir, what would you like?"  The man flashes the waitress a broad smile and answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, and she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A elderly gentleman sitting at the next table sipping on a beer leans over and whispers, "Young Man, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Interesting Thought To Ponder

Something Every Bar Owner, Bartender and all Wait Staff Personnel Should Think About.

A Love Story Every Bartender Should Enjoy

Should the Lime Go in the Coconut?

I Did Not Jog Today

Public Safety Advisory

If you work in the bar or tavern industry this public advisory may be of significance.

Just received this information from a good friend and wanted to get it out ASAP to all of you in the bar and beverage industries. The US Homeland Security Agency has just issued an advisory notice you should be aware of If your work involves serving the public or dealing with a lot of foreign travelers this information could save your life.

According to homeland security the number one tactic terrorists and ‘disturbed US citizens’ are now using is to - conceal their weapons. Concealing or disguising their weapons from the public is necessary especially when they enter bars, taverns, pubs & grills, night clubs, casinos, country clubs etc. as well as larger outdoor public gathering places such as beer fests and summer concerts where alcoholic beverages are served.

Please look closely at the picture provided.

At first glance - to an untrained eye – this might look like a normal “Red Solo party cup”; however if you study this picture carefully you may be able to notice there is a fully loaded, automatic Glock 18-C pistol carefully hidden inside the cup.

Analyst and forecasters at Homeland Security believe terrorists and disturbed American citizens may soon be using this ‘Red Solo cup’ disguise to conceal their weapons.

During these troubling times is important we in the hospitality and food & beverage industries stay vigilant at all times.  I urge you to share this information with your colleagues, co-workers and neighbors. Remember if you, your co-workers or neighbors, are not able to spot a weapon disguised like this you might just be the recipient of a cup of hot lead.

Note:  If information like this is important I will continue to share it - just let me know.  If if is not important let me know as well.  

Bartender Trivia - Parcheesi

As many of you know I am a big fan of trivia.  Customers who come in to your bar or tavern when you are on duty do not want to be burdened with problems.  They want to come in, relax and have fun.  So why not entertain them with great trivia.

Parcheesi is a board game that many of use played as children.  Few people however are aware that Parcheesi is a board game that originated in India.  Parcheesi was a game played by only the ruling class of India.  

The game (Parcheesi) was played outdoors in the palace garden(s) and the pieces - get this - which were human servants -  beautiful young women who served the ruler. 

The game pieces actually walked across color tiles placed in the lawn. The goal was to get all the pieces (the young ladies) home.  Home was the center of the garden were the lord of the house sat with his friends. 

Bartender Trivia - Drive In Theaters

As many of you know I am a big fan of 'trivia'.  I think bar owners and bartenders who know good trivia - really good trivia entice their customers to come back.

Its a fact, Customers who enter your bar, tavern or pub when you are working do not want to be burdened with 'problems' - your problems, your business's problems or the communities problems - they have problems of their own. 

Customers who enter your bar come in to relax and have a good time.  In other words they want to have fun and escape from their reality.  So why not entertain them when they are in your bar? Entertain them with some really great trivia. Trivia they can enjoy and trivia they can relate to.

See if they know this one ... The first driven-in theater in the United States was opened in Camden, NJ.  It was built by Richard Hollingshead. 

To create his drive-in Mr. Hollingshead strung a sheet between two trees and mounted a project on the hood of his car. 

Here is the kicker.  Why did he create a drive in theater?  Well he said his mother was the inspiration for his idea. 

His mother was a very large woman who always felt uncomfortable sitting in the small seats found in movie theaters of the day.  By showing his movie outside his mother could sit in the front seat of his car and enjoy the movie.  

Potential Health Advisory For Bar Owners and Bartenders

Recent studies conducted by the CDC - Center for Dease Control indicate that: 

Drinking Vodka over ice, can cause kidney failure.

Drinking Rum over ice, can cause liver failure.

Drinking Whiskey over ice, can create heart problems.

Drinking Gin over ice, can lead to brain problems.

Though the studies are not complete all evidence gathered so far is strongly suggesting that ice may not be good for your health.

As a courtesy and public service it might be wise to nform all your friends and bar customers of this potential health risk.

Is It Important to Know Kung Fu When Drinking Beer?

So this guy is standing in line at a concession waiting for the hot dog he ordered when a small Asian looking guy gets in line next to him and starts drinking a beer.

The guy look at he Asian guy and asked, "Do you know any of that martial arts stuff, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?"

The guy with the beer turns an says "No, but why would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", said the guy, "It's because you're drinking my beer, asshole."

Bartender Eye Exam

How many planks do you see?

 

 

 

Great Story To Share in Your Bar or Tavern

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, went on field trip to see a brand new racetrack in their community. The idea was the children could learn about thoroughbred horses and actually get to see some of the horses in their stalls. The children were accompanied by two female teachers.

     

After walking around the race track for a couple hours it was time to take the children to the bathroom. Since there were only two teachers it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's room. All of a sudden one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinals - they were all to high.

Feeling awkward but having no choice, the teacher had to go inside to help each one of the boys. First she undid their pants, then she hoisted them up up one by one. It was obvious she was going to have to hold their "you know what" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted the fourth boy the teacher could not help but notice that this boy was unusually well endowed for his age.

Trying not to show her embarrassment she said, "You must be in the 5th grade."  “No, ma'am”, he replied, “I'm riding “Silver Arrow” in the seventh race today, but I really do appreciate your help”

Remember There is Help - You Can Change!

The Bacon Tree - A must read for all bartenders

Two bartenders are driving on a seldom used back road through an isolated stretch of the county. They are on their way to a large country estate that is hosting a big party they agreed to bartend at. As luck would have it their car breaks down. The two bartenders are somewhat familiar with the area and know a gas station is just a few miles up the road so they get out and begin to walk towards it. 

After walking a few minutes one of the bartenders says to the other: "Hey do you smell that.” “Smell what the other replies”. “Bacon! Do you smell bacon” “Yeah it sure smell like bacon??” Confused they keep on walking and there in the distance they see a small leafy tree covered in bacon. There are strips of raw bacon on it, fried bacon on it, back bacon on it, double smoked bacon on it, and every imaginable kind of cured pork bacon one can think of.

"Look” one says – “it really is a bacon tree”. “No way” says the other one – “it must be a mirage.” “Have you ever heard of a mirage that smells like bacon?” With that, one of them starts to run towards the tree. As he gets within 5 yards of the tree a couple of guys guns suddenly appear and start shooting. The bartender is hit repeatedly and drops to the ground.

 

Mortally wounded, bleeding profusely and in great pain he yells out to his bartender buddy "go back, it’s not a bacon tree!"  Confused and scared and laying on the ground to protect himself the other bartender yells back "Well if it’s not a bacon tree what is it?" Using his last few breaths the wounded bartender yells out -

"Its 

Its 

Its 

Its

Its 

Its 

Its 

Its 

Its

Its 

Its 

It’s ... a Ham bush."

The New Minister Is Against Alcohol

The new minister in town was completing a temperance sermon he had written for his new congregation.  He said with great emphasis, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

 With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' 

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river 
With his sermon complete, he sat down and the congregation sat silent ... stunned by his words and strong beliefs.

The Church's organist (a part-time bartender at her brothers local tavern) very cautiously stood up and walked slowly over to the organ.  When she sat down she opened her hymnal and announced 'For our closing song, let us all turn to Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.' 

A Beautiful Christmas Bar Story

A husband and his wife were Christmas shopping at mall a few days before Christmas and it was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look around and see that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset as they had a lot of shopping to do. Worried where he might be she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, he said, "Do you remember that quaint little Jewelry Shop we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I promised you someday I would get it for you?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that shop." "Well, I'm in a little bar next door to it having a beer the mall is to crowded for me."

 

 

Bartenders and Penquins --- Great Trivia

Interesting Animal Trivia I Hope You Can Use 

Yesterday one of our clients was conducting research on Arctic storms and how they effect global weather patterns when he came across some really amazing facts regarding Emperor Penguins.  I thought this was amazing trivia.  I share it with you in the hopes you can share it with your bar customers.  If you enjoyed these nine interesting facts please let me know?

First - Emperor Penguins are the largest of the 17 known species of penguins; they can stand 45 in. tall.

Second - Emperor Penguins can dive deeper than any other bird on earth, as deep 1,850 ft.

Third - Emperor Penguins can stay under water for more than 20 minutes.

Fourth - Emperor Penguins are the only animals to inhabit the open ice of Antarctica during the winter.

Fifth - Because of their aerodynamic bodies and strong flippers, Emperor Penguins can swim at speeds of 7.5 mph.

Sixth - Due to the harsh winds and blizzard conditions in Antarctica, Emperor Penguins frequently huddle together in large groups to keep warm.

Seventh - Less than a third of all juvenile penguins make it to their first birthday. Most are eaten by seabirds, leopard seals and killer whales.

Eighth - Mature Emperor Penguins live 15-20 years.

Ninth - And most amazing, for years scientists have been baffled because no one has ever found a dead Emperor Penguin on the surface of Antarctica. Many are eaten at sea, but what happens to all those who die from diseases, old age and natural causes on land? A Dutch research team solved this mystery in 2009 after collecting videotapes of special rituals.

It appears that whenever an Emperor Penguin dies on land, hundreds of penguins from the rook, including both adults and juveniles, gather around the body to pay their last respects. After several minutes of silence, all the females and children return to the rook and only the adult males stay. Then using their bills and strong flippers, they carve out a large hole in the ice’s surface. When the hole is twice the size of the deceased penguin, two of the oldest penguins will push the dead penguin’s body into the hole. Once in the hole, the entire group of males takes turns kicking ice and snow over the deceased body. When the body is completely covered, all the males sing out in unison, “FREEZE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW - FREEZE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.”